so i have this group of friends, "b.f.f."s, in my class who does everything together. (so as they say.) personally, even though i, most of the times, have great fun with them (dont get me wrong), i sometimes feel our friendship is superficial and just... not genuine. whenever one of the friends has a huge event or a happening, she tags along only the one whom she is really really close with and just keep it a secret among us. or if she has a secret, she would always leave out someone and make that person upset. whenever there is a competition, some gets left out of the whole project and gets hurt. however, as all of you know, secrets are bound to leak out. every time when that happened or something very close to that, i just tried to ignore it and remain calm and indifferent. the truth is, i was enraged, disappointed, and felt betrayed. i still am. but i have to act cool and satisfied with our seemingly friendship for the sake of maintaining the fake friendship. because of this, even though i have my "best friends", i always feel alone. especially times when i am stressed out or just depressed and melancholy. i have no one to talk to about my sincere thoughts.
when i was in middle school or elementary, living in Canada, i would have a group of buddies who did everything together. when i say everything, i sincerely mean, everything. we would always share secrets and tell each other what happened during the day. we would call each other at night, have endless sleepovers, gossip about other people in school, tell funny jokes... and was never afraid that i will be left out or betrayed.
i just feel like the world is shallow and simply untrustful. wow, i finally grew up.
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